- "Here’s the dirty little secret. I just think we are who we are, and I think lotteries are stupid."
Changes is a 7th season episode of House, the twentieth episode of the season and the 152th episode overall, which first aired on May 2, 2011.
Arlene Cuddy returns and House and Cuddy's jobs are in danger when Arlene threatens to sue the hospital. Cuddy, House and Wilson decide that appeasement is the best course of action, but when they take a conciliatory approach, Arlene's demands for compensation keep escalating. Meanwhile, House and the team treat a recent lottery winner who has reunited with an old girlfriend who Thirteen thinks is just interested in the patient's new found wealth.
Throughout the episode, the characters explore the ability of the other characters to undergo fundamental changes in their personality. Most of their efforts focus on the patient Cyrus, whose lottery winnings seem to give him the greatest hope that his life will change. However, by the end of the episode, it all seems that they have fallen back into old patterns, except for the fact that Cyrus once again seems to have found hope not by looking forward to the future his lottery winnings seem to offer him, but into the past to the one time he was happy. It is left to the viewer to determine if Cyrus will once again find the love he had two decades before.
However, the other character seem to have less luck. Chase has stopped sleeping with several women a week and claims to be happier as a result. Every effort to break his vows come to naught, but by the end of the episode, he has returned to his pattern of meaningless sex. Foreman insists he is not the rage machine he is always made out to be, but his efforts to control his temper turn out to be fruitless despite pharmacological intervention.
The character holding out the most hope is Arlene Cuddy, who believes her daughter's problems forming relationships would come to an end if she would just accept her affection for House despite all his flaws. Knowing that the two care about each other, she hatches a plot that, if it succeeds, will turn both of them against her in a last ditch attempt to drive them back together. However, when House figures out her scheme and she realizes she has failed, he has to admonish both of them that the real problem is that neither of them are willing to admit they made a terrible mistake and that the only chance they have to form a real relationship is with each other.
A man arrives at a house with flowers. An attractive woman answers, but tries to brush him off. He says he is looking for someone named Jennifer Williams he knew 23 years before, but she just shuts the door on him. The man crosses a name off the list, walks back to his limo and the driver, his cousin, tells him he’s wasting his time looking for a past love. All of a sudden, the man collapses and says he can’t move his leg. The limo driver calls at the woman to call 911.
House tells the team that the man has partial paralysis, but there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with his brain. Taub reads the chart and realizes the patient just won $42 million in a lottery. He and House argue about if that much money can prevent misery. As they discuss the differential diagnosis, Cuddy comes in to tell House that her mother’s lawyer has called threatening to sue the hospital. House orders an environmental scan and medical history and returns to his office to discuss the matter with Cuddy’s mother. It turns out that the lawsuit is probably because Cuddy and her mother had a fight because her mother’s new hip replacement is making her far less mobile and Cuddy wanted her mother to live with her until she got better. Cuddy reminds House how badly he acted during her case and that the mother insists on dealing with both Cuddy and House. However, House refuses to attend the meeting.
The patient tells the doctors he hasn’t changed his lifestyle and he doesn’t use drugs. However, the patient eats a lot of canned food. Meanwhile, Chase and Foreman are at the patient’s old workshop discussing Cuddy’s mom’s threat to sue. Chase tells Foreman that he has to be less repressed. Chase then reveals he hasn’t slept with a woman for over a month because he wants to be ready when the right woman comes along. Chase challenges Foreman to go through one differential without letting anyone get under his skin. Foreman points out that Chase has already said he represses his feelings so he can’t prove people aren’t getting under his skin. Chase says that he will just have to let that fact eat at him too. Chase finds a can of solvent.
Taub thinks that the canned food points to heavy metal poisoning, but Chase thinks he’s inhaled a toxin. Thirteen points out that the treatment for both is chelation. However, House orders forced urination for heavy metals and, if that doesn’t work, dialysis for solvent inhalation. When the team objects, and Foreman gets upset, House reminds them that chelation won’t tell them what the real diagnosis was so they can prevent re-exposure. Foreman gives in.
However, Thirteen decides to go with chelation anyway. She figures House won’t check and they can just flip a coin. However, when she arrives at the patient’s room, she has found that Cuddy has withdrawn House’s hospital privileges.
Cuddy’s strategy is to force House to the bargaining table with her mother. Instead, House discharges the patient. Thirteen explains to the patient that it will only be for a few minutes until Cuddy folds. However, the patient sees an attractive woman and tells his limo driver and the doctors to shut up. The woman is Jennifer Williams, his old sweetheart. She admits she heard about his lottery win. They go to hug, but the patient vomits even though he doesn’t feel nauseous. Thirteen realizes the patient is having a focal seizure and can’t be discharged.
The patient obviously has a brain issue, but both of their previous diagnoses have to be wrong given the new symptom. Cuddy comes in to negotiate with House to get him to meet her mother, but they can’t come to an agreement. Cuddy says she doesn’t care if he treats his patient or comes to the meeting and walks out.
To prove to Foreman that his a “boiling cauldron of repressed rage”, Chase hooks up Foreman to a blood pressure monitor. House insults Foreman’s diagnosis of Lyme disease, his ex-girlfriend, and brings up his brother Marcus Foreman, but Foreman’s blood pressure stays steady. The team gets back to the differential. Taub and Thirteen discuss about whether finding his old girlfriend was a good thing. Thirteen finally suggests herpes encephalitis. House agrees and orders tests to confirm and treatment. He also reveals he removed the leads to Foreman’s blood pressure cuff. Foreman was faking the monitor results. Foreman obviously gets angry and gets up to leave. House talks with Thirteen about the fact she now shares his view that life is miserable.
The patient and Jennifer are laughing together, but Thirteen tells her that she is going to have to leave the room for the test. Jennifer says she has to get home the next morning. The patient offers to put her up in a hotel, but Jennifer is reluctant. She does agree to stay for another couple of nights in her own motel.
House goes to see Wilson about the patient. Wilson agrees that it’s probably cancer and that the patient’s symptoms are caused by paraneoplastic syndrome. However, House is really there to see why Wilson isn’t mad at him for not meeting with Cuddy’s mom. Wilson says that he’s supporting House because he’s right - both Cuddy and her mother are trying to use House to get in the middle of the argument they are having. However, House thinks Cuddy insisted on him being there so he wouldn’t come to the meeting and that Cuddy really doesn’t want him there.
Cuddy’s mother and her Lawyer come in to meet with Cuddy. The lawyer asks where House is, but Cuddy tells them that it’s not really about House, but about the fight she‘s having with her mother. The lawyer won’t leave the room, but Cuddy’s mother tells him to leave. Cuddy’s mom tells her it’s not about the fight they had. She wants $30,000 to hire help while she recovers and put in a stair lift. Cuddy tells her that if she gives in, the Board of Directors will investigate and both she and House could lose their medical licenses. House finally arrives and threatens to put her old hip joint back in. Cuddy’s mother leaves and says she will get a judge to take her seriously.
While they do a CT Scan of the patient, Foreman tells Taub he faked his blood pressure because he had a lot of salt with breakfast. Taub thinks Foreman is repressed too and thinks it’s good that Chase has stopped sleeping around. They find a tumor, and quickly find two others. It appears he has three completely different types of cancer.
Wilson is calling House an idiot for breaking into the discussion and accuses him of going there just because Cuddy tried to trick him not to. Wilson tells House he’s going to force him to meet with Cuddy before Cuddy’s mom files a lawsuit.
Chase hooks Foreman up to the blood pressure monitor again and then takes an oath that Foreman has not screwed with it. When House suggests making the patient’s tumors grow faster, Foreman’s blood pressure shoots up and although he’s acting calm, it’s obvious he’s slowly getting out of control. He rips off the monitor cuff and Thirteen suggests he make out a will. House finally goes ahead with his plan to make the cancer grow faster. He also has a surprise for Thirteen - her high school boyfriend is waiting outside his office. Thirteen tells House that Ricky dumped her after she slept with his sister. House tells her to let him down gently.
Taub and Thirteen go to the patient to get consent. The patient asks Jennifer to marry him. She tells him he only thinks he loves her and they need more time. However, Thirteen is suspicious - Jennifer says she only came for one night, but she’s wearing different clothes every day.
House finds Foreman doing yoga on the office balcony. Foreman says he needs to get a hooker for Chase. He asks why House keeps riding him, but not Chase. He tells him it’s because he can make Foreman mad, but he can’t make Chase horny. He tells Foreman to embrace Zen because he can’t do anything about his own anger or Chase’s libido.
Wilson and Cuddy corner House in a patient room. Wilson wisely put a tracker on House’s portable television. Cuddy and House get into an argument about their break up. Wilson reminds them that it’s both of their fault. He tells them that he’s driving them both to Arlene’s house so that Cuddy can write a check and House can apologize. He threatens to cut off House’s Vicodin and House caves.
The patient is showing no new symptoms, and he challenges Thirteen’s belief that Jennifer is just after his money. The patient says his hope that he would win the lottery and reconnect with Jennifer was all that kept him going. Now, he’s halfway there. He tells her that she can’t stand to see anyone happy.
Wilson, Cuddy and House arrive at Arlene’s house. Cuddy gives her a check and House ekes out an apology. Arlene asks for more money to change her will to cut Cuddy out. Wilson tries to be conciliatory, but Cuddy and her mom get into another fight. Cuddy’s mom rips up the check.
Foreman sees Chase sidling up to a new nurse. However, Foreman has already paid her $100 to slap Chase once he propositions her. However, when it appears Chase is about to close, nothing happens and the nurse comes over, gives back the money and slaps Foreman instead. Chase sees Foreman and waves at him.
Taub does an ultrasound while the patient discusses his will. Jennifer tells him that she doesn’t need anything and encourages him to give the money to his family or favorite charities. However, although they’ve been pumping him with drugs to make the three tumors grow, they all shrank instead.
Foreman tries the blood pressure monitor again. As they go through a new differential, Foreman’s blood pressure rises again and he insists it can’t be right. When they press the matter, Foreman tells them he took beta blockers to keep his blood pressure low. Chase admits he was rigging the last two tests. House insists on a diagnosis of amyloidosis and orders a biopsy to confirm and chemotherapy to treat.
Cuddy quadruples House’s clinic hours. House goes to the clinic and starts making a nuisance of himself. Wilson comes to commiserate. He also tells House that Cuddy’s mom wants to meet again, but he realizes neither Cuddy nor House want to meet her. Wilson tells House that he’s being obstinate because he doesn’t want Cuddy out of his life and he is willing to have bad interactions instead of living with no interactions. He reminds him that he’s not risking just his job, but any future relationship he might have with Cuddy.
The patient gives his cousin a cheque for $10 million because Jennifer had reminded him that he was the person who was with him year in and year out all their lives. When Jennifer starts crying, Thirteen realizes she’s wearing tinted contact lenses under her glasses. The patient realizes that “Jennifer” doesn’t have brown eyes and starts questioning her. He starts to realize she’s not the woman he was in love with. He realizes his cousin has been coaching "Jennifer" to con him out of his lottery money, by convincing him to write a check to his cousin who has always been there. He throws them both out. He admits to Thirteen she was right. All of a sudden, the patient starts crashing.
The patient suffered a cardiac arrest along with failure of the lungs and liver before they even had a chance to start chemotherapy, ruling out amyloidosis. All of a sudden, they hear an evacuation alarm.
Everyone is outside with Cuddy trying to direct everything when her mother shows up. She says it was the only way to get Cuddy and House together. Cuddy tells her staff that they that can re-open the hospital. The mother tells Cuddy and House she is going to file her lawsuit that day. Cuddy and the mother get into another argument. Finally, House pipes up and tells the mother that he and Cuddy are not getting back together. When Cuddy asks him what he’s talking about, he tells her it’s the only explanation for her mother’s behavior. She’s trying to get him and Cuddy to unite against her. Cuddy insists that her mother is just acting out of anger over a long series of perceived slights, but when she looks back at her mother, it becomes clear House was right. She tells them they’re idiots and neither one of them is going to find anyone else who will put up the other one. Cuddy realizes that when she asked her mother to move in with her, the mother realized that she and House weren’t going to reconcile. Cuddy tells her it will take more than a common enemy to get her and House back together. Arlene tells her that her standards are impossible. House has already left.
House goes to see the patient - the talk of a common enemy made him think of something. The patient has a teratoma, a usually harmless type of congenital growth that just contains cells that aren’t where they are supposed to be. However, his teratoma contains brain cells, which have spread and caused brain symptoms. Some broke off and grew new tumors, but they grew so fast they collapsed. He just needs surgery to remove them.
Chase and Nurse Laura are seen in bed together. Foreman is still trying to relax. The patient is recovering after his surgery when the real Jennifer comes to see him. Thirteen and House see her with the patient and they agree that it will end horribly for the patient, but he will always have hope and be happy. House suggests to Thirteen that she’s miserable not because of any predisposition, but because of the death of her mother, brother and her own illness. Thirteen tells him he’s probably unhappy because of his failed rehab, failed relationships, and painful leg.
Major Events Edit
- Arlene Cuddy returns. She figures out that Lisa and House are not getting back together when Lisa invites her to stay at her home while she recovers from her hip replacement. She pretends to sue the hospital in order to drive House and Lisa back together in unison against her, but House figures out her plan.
- Chase and Foreman bet that Foreman can't go through a differential without his blood pressure rising. However, Chase, Foreman and House all cheat on the test.
- Chase announces he has stopped sleeping around with women, but sleeps with a pretty nurse at the end of the episode.
The title refers to the wide range of lifestyle changes going on in the episode:
- House and Cuddy dealing with the breakup of their relationship
- Cyrus winning the lottery and Phil becoming his well paid driver
- Chase trying to change his womanizing ways
- Foreman trying to control his anger
- Arlene coming to terms with the possibility that her daughter will never have a relationship
Zebra Factor 6/10Edit
Teratomas appear in about one out of every 40,000 people, but are usually asymptomatic.
- The Jersey Shore is a 127 mile long coast line where New Jersey meets the Atlantic Ocean running from Sandy Hook to Cape May. The entire length is covered with resorts and tourist attractions, most notably those in Atlantic City. Once one of the most popular tourist destinations in the Northeast, it has declined over the past several decades as more southerly locations became easier to reach by road.
- "Beads from Thailand" are, of course, a euphemism for 
- House insults Foreman’s diagnosis of Lyme disease, his ex-girlfriend and his brother in order to boost his blood pressure. When House said then he shared a motel room with his ex-girlfriend, the ex-girlfriend actually refers to Thirteen since, in The Dig, House did share a room with Thirteen in a motel after Thirteen's release from jail.
- “Khloe” is most likely a reference to Khloe Kardashian, the youngest of the Kardashian sisters.
- House’s reference to Foreman turning green and bursting out of his shirt describes The Incredible Hulk.
- Good Cop/Bad Cop is a negotiation and interrogation technique.
- The reference to salt with breakfast notes that high sodium levels often drive up blood pressure.
- Taub refers to the uniform used in Star Fleet in Star Trek (The Original Series) and the fact that none of the character's clothing was ever different at any point in it's three year run.
- Zen is a form of Buddhism that stresses rigorous meditation, insight into the nature of Budda, and self-insight.
- The remark about turning it "up to 11" is from the movie This Is Spinal Tap
- Wile E. Coyote is the antagonist of the Road Runner ()
- "Bitch to king four" and "Checkmate" are allusions to Chess
- "The Godmother" and "consiglieri" (advisor) are both references to The Godfather
- On The Line by The Limetree Warehouse - over the closing montage
Reviews of the episode were generally positive, and the critics were near unanimous is their praise of the development of all the characters in this episode. Much was made of the parallels between the behavior of House and Cuddy in relationships in Season 6 and the similar fallout after their mutual relationship breaks down in this series. Critics also praised Candice Bergen's portrayal of Arlene Cuddy and how the series developed her as smarter, more interesting and more sympathetic than she was when she was first introduced.
- IMDB users gave the episode a rating of 8.2, with 33% (the largest portion), giving it an 8. It did best with females over the age of 45 (average 8.9) and the worst with males in the same age group (7.9)
- Polite Dissent wasn't impressed with the medicine, but liked the soap opera aspects of the plot.
- TV.com users rated the episode an 8.3. Hugh Laurie, Lisa Edelstein and Jesse Spencer tied for Most Valuable Performer.
Medical Ethics Edit
Withdrawing privileges Edit
As we've seen before, Cuddy has followed through with a threat to cut off a doctor's hospital privileges in order to get them to finish their other duties (such as in Pilot to force House to do clinic duty). In truth, with a tenured staff member like House, the Dean of Medicine has very few other options to discipline a physician.
However, in this case, it appears Cuddy is the person abusing her authority, and as a result, puts the patient in the middle of the battle. House isn't being asked to do his job in this case, only to help Cuddy out of a jam (which, to be fair, House was involved in).
Technically, House could have appealed Cuddy's decision to the hospital's accreditation committee (which also works to discipline doctors within the hospital system), but given his history, Cuddy probably could have come up with dozens of accumulated reasons for taking the action she did, and House couldn't reveal the truth about Arlene without putting both of their necks on the line. However, in such a hierarchy, a Dean who systematically abused their authority could probably be called before the Board of Directors.
At least Thirteen and Taub do the right thing by explaining to the patient why House is threatening to discharge him. Technically, House could justify the move medically as Cyrus was stable. However, there was no real guarantee that Cuddy would cave given House's move so it probably would have been more appropriate to transfer Cyrus to another hospital instead.
Hiding malpractice Edit
Everyone's reaction to Arlene's threatened lawsuit (including Wilson's) is completely inappropriate. Insurance companies, hospitals and state medical boards all require physicians to immediately report any notice of a malpractice action even before their is a formal lawsuit. Arlene showing up with a lawyer is clearly an indication that the reporting requirements have kicked in, but even the phone call should have been sufficient for Cuddy to report the matter to the hospital's general counsel.
There are loads of consequences that follow. Malpractice insurers require notice of all claims (whether they result in lawsuits or not) so they can provide immediate counsel if necessary (Cuddy should have shown up with her lawyer too) and judge whether their reserves for payment of claims are appropriate (for bookkeeping purposes for the underwriters). In fact, failure to report the claim at this stage would have resulted in Cuddy, House and the hospital losing the right to malpractice insurance. Although Arlene would have recovered the money from the insurer, the insurer would have chased after the hospital, Cuddy and House to make up the difference. The hospital would have summarily fired Cuddy and House for failure to report, and the matter would have to be reported to the state medical board, which could have resulted in disciplinary sanctions against both Cuddy and House. Wilson's not an innocent either. Having known about the possible lawsuit, he instead brokered a private settlement to avoid the insurance company, which he could also have been disciplined for.
- An EEG is useless when trying to diagnose herpes encephalitis. It is usually diagnosed with a lumbar puncture, which Cyrus had already had which would have ruled out the condition.
- In real life, a teratoma probably wouldn't cause these symptoms. If a teratoma did have three different types of cancerous cells within it, they most likely would have grown entirely within the teratoma instead of spreading through the body. In addition, brain tissue outside the brain wouldn't be recognized as "foreign tissue" by the body and would not provoke an autoimmune response.
- Atherosclerosis does have numerous causes, but exposure to ceramics and precious metals aren't among the causes.
- Thirteen's idea to treat with chelation as a cure-all is faulty because the two different toxins involved need two different chelation agents. It would be dangerous to administer two in the necessary therapeutic dose and it wouldn't provide them with a definitive diagnosis.
- Cyrus has a full body CT scan to find the pancreatic tumor, but somehow it missed the other two that were there as well.
- Most natives of New Jersey like Cyrus would most likely just call it "The Shore" rather than "The Jersey Shore", particularly when speaking to another person from the state.
Dr. Gregory House: It'll end horribly.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Not for him. She make take all his money. He may be a naive idiot. But he'll always be hopeful. So he'll always be happy.
Dr. Gregory House: You lost your mother. Euthanized your brother. You have the life expectancy of a pretty good sit com. If you can convince yourself that you'll be miserable no matter what, even without all that stuff, maybe you don't have to hate the universe for dumping a giant turd on you. Fatalism is your survival mechanism.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: And you - dumped by everyone you ever loved. Rehab was a bust. Your leg feels like somebody took a giant bite out of it. We are who we are. Lotteries are stupid.
Dr. Gregory House: [to Cuddy] You know, I was just thinking. How much I wanted a relationship with no sex, but where I still have to deal with your mother.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to Arlene about House] He's being an ass. If I could join you in suing him...
Dr. Eric Foreman: What about Chase? You believe all that nonsense about him being celibate?
Dr. Chris Taub: Don't know. But I'm rooting for him. Read the studies. The fewer partners you have, the happier you are with your ultimate partner.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Then you're going to be miserable.
Dr. Chris Taub: Those studies, it's important that they have a control.
Dr. Gregory House: Your High School boyfriend who dumped you. Leaving you unable to believe that anyone can rekindle and old flame.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: He dumped me after I hooked up with his sister.
Dr. Gregory House: ...Would you mind letting him down gently? I might've made promises that you can't keep.
Arlene Cuddy: [to House and Cuddy] Look at you two idiots. Who else is going to put up with either of you?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: I asked you to move in... That meant we weren't going to reconcile. Sorry, mom. Some things take more than a common enemy. [Cuddy hugs her mom]
Arlene Cuddy: Then you're an idiot with impossible standards.
Dr. Gregory House: Janet Hemorrhoid!
Janet: That's not my name. It's why I'm here.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, I see, it goes across. We better make this fast 'cause I'm about to lose my medical license for malpractice. It's nothing unusual. Head of the hospital's about to lose hers, too. [Janet walks away]
Dr. James Wilson: I heard Cuddy quadrupled your clinic hours.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, but you know what? I'm flying through patients.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: I just said treatment for both is chelation.
Dr. Gregory House: I said force diuresis and try dialysis. You need a transcript?
Dr. Eric Foreman: You wanna put him on dialysis, risk infection and hemodynamic swings, when we can just chelate?
Dr. Robert Chase: Whoa! Whoa! Settle down.
Dr. Gregory House: If we chelate, we're not gonna know what disease he had, which means we're not gonna know if the problem was in his lousy, old job or his still lousy new life, which, for the purposes of a metaphorical argument, is very important.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Pointless to argue. He's the boss, he needs his puzzle solved. Why bang our heads against a wall?
Dr. Gregory House: When you're done with the patient, treat Foreman by banging his head against a wall.
Dr. Chris Taub: I'm sure some people will screw up anything. But some won't. That kind of cash, he has a *chance* to turn a miserable life around.
Dr. Gregory House: Miserable is miserable. Happy doesn't buy lottery tickets.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Our level of happiness is set. It's in our DNA. No cash payout is gonna change that.
Dr. Gregory House: It's like there's two of me.
Dr. Chris Taub: You're a popular guy.
Cyrus: Popular wallet. Three years ago, before had a dime, I had my appendix removed. Phil was there. No one else even called.
Dr. Robert Chase: I was having tons of sex, and I was bored - hating myself. I was never going to be ready when something real came along.
Dr. Eric Foreman: So you're becoming some sort of supermonk, and I can't change at all?
Dr. Robert Chase: I challenge you to go one differential without House or anyone else getting under your skin.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Since I say nothing gets to me, and you won't take me at my word, how am I supposed to prove you wrong?
Dr. Robert Chase: I guess you can't. I hope that doesn't eat at you.
Dr. Gregory House: Why haven't you been yelling at me about the Cuddy twins?
Dr. James Wilson: Because you're doing the right thing.
Dr. Gregory House: Are we talking about the same issue? Is there something I don't know about that I responding to appropriately?
Dr. James Wilson: Cuddy wants you in the middle of this, so does Arlene. Because they don't want to face their own problems. Somehow in your knee-jerk juvenille response, you tripped and fell into an actual adult response to this.
Dr. Gregory House: ...You're right... That was Cuddy's strategy all along. She wanted me to *think* that she desperately needed to be there so that I wouldn't be there.
Dr. James Wilson: <groans>
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to Arlene Cuddy] Mom. Here's a check. It's a settlement for all you've been through. Of course you can stay in your home, it was wrong of me to suggest otherwise.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry that we saved your life... in the way that we did.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [Foreman's trying to set Chase up with a nurse] First, he'll compliment her hair. That's how he breaks the ice. Next comes some sort of joke or story. He's sharpening his harpoon.
Dr. Chris Taub: Are my moves that predictable?
Dr. Eric Foreman: She's grabbing his arm. He's going in for the kill. [the nurse walks away from Chase. Foreman and Taub act like they busy. The nurse walks up to Foreman, slaps him and returns his money. Chase waves at them]
Dr. Chris Taub: Don't let it get to you.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I need a hooker.
Dr. Gregory House: Not if you can make that work.
Dr. Eric Foreman: How the hell is that supposed to relax you?... It's not for me, it's for Chase.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm saving myself, too. Maybe you should get a couple.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You're riding me, why not ride him?
Dr. Gregory House: Because I can get a rise out of your BP, his pee-pee, on the other hand... Forget yoga. Embrace Zen. You're a repressed idiot, he's a horny idiot. Neither one of you can do anything about it... Pretty sure that's Zen.
Cyrus: Am I gonna live?
Dr. Gregory House: Cut out the teratoma and what's left of your cancer, you should be fine. Think of it as your second luckiest day.
Cyrus: It's hard to feel lucky. The woman I loved was a fraud.
Dr. Gregory House: No, actually, a fraud was a fraud. You fell for her just the same... You may stay miserable, but your long-lost love is not gonna be the reason why.
Wilson: You had to go all Wile E. Coyote on me.
House: You told me Arlene wanted me in the middle of it. I had to show here that no good could come of that.
Wilson: Seriously? That's you're rationalization? How about you didn't like that Cuddy tricked you? Even though you wanted the same thing as her. You didn't like that she got the best of you. You've got more anger towards her than you realize.
House: I'm happier without her. <Wilson looks at him with suspicious disbelief so he goes on> I'm not stupidly expecting her to make me happy. I'm happier with my unhappiness.
Wilson: Do you listen to what you're saying because I have to. I'm holding a summit meeting to force you and Cuddy onto the same page before the lawsuit gets filed.
Cuddy: However much it hurt, I did have the right to break up with you.
House: You just want everything to have a hidden personal agenda.
Cuddy: You need to get over it instead of jeopardizing our jobs out of spite....
Wilson: Stop! You're both at fault here: you for trying to manipulate House when you used to know better and you for --- being you which is an especially bad idea under the circumstances.
House: I had good reasons.
Wilson: You had lame rationalizations.
Cuddy: If I hadn't played him, he'd have found out about the meeting and crashed it anyway....
Wilson: Enough! Tomorrow I drive both of you to Arlene's. <to Cuddy> You're going to write her a personal check for $30,000 and you're going to do this because you actually give a crap about your job and this hospital and your mother and possibly even House. <to House> You're going to say, 'I'm sorry' and not one syllable more.
House: Because I'm an idiot.
Wilson: No. Because if you don't I'm going to tell the pharmacy to stop issuing Vicodin prescriptions in my name.
House: I'm not paying for gas.
House: It will end horribly.
Thirteen: Not for him. She may take all his money and he may be a naive idiot but he'll always be hopeful so he'll always be happy.
House: You lost your mother you euthenized your brother, you've got the life expectancy of a pretty good sitcom. If you can convince yourself you'd be miserable no matter what even without all that stuff, they maybe you don't have to hate the universe for dropping a giant turd on you. Fatalism is your survival mechanism.
Thirteen: And you? Dumped by everyone you're ever loved. Rehab was a bust. Your leg feels like someone took a giant bite out of it. We are who we are. Lotteries are stupid.
Taub: Sure, some people will screw up anything, but some won't. That kind of cash, he has a chance to turn a miserable life around.
House: Miserable stays miserable. Happy doesn't buy lottery tickets in the first place.
Thirteen: Our level of happiness is set. It's in our DNA. No cash payout's gonna change that.
House: It's like there's two of me.
Dr. Cuddy: My mother's lawyer called. She's threatening to sue the hospital over our mistreatment of her. Says it slowed her recovery.
House: You know, I was just thinking how much I want a relationship with no sex, but where I still have to deal with your mother.
Dr. Cuddy: My mom and I got into a fight, Because of our replacement hip replacement, she can barely get around her own house. I told her she has to live with me while she recovers.
House: Oh, I'm starting to get the connection. Yeah, she has a house. My name is House.
Dr. Cuddy: You're the doctor that treated her, that illegally switched her meds after she fired you, that went behind the back of her actual doctor.
House: Those beads from Thailand. If we're listing all the things that you pressured me into.
Thirteen: She won't let us make a move until you agree to a sit-down with the Godmother and her consigliere.
House: Bitch to King Four.
Taub: Checkmate. Patient can't use his leg. You have to concede.
House: Or I could just knock all the pieces onto the floor.
House: What are you doing? We got a patient with a walking disorder, who can't seize. No, wait. I'm close, though, aren't I?
Dr. Cuddy: No clinic hours for the next quarter.
House: Yeah, three parking spots, next to each other, so I can park diagonally. And three pairs of your underwear. I'm thinking of taking up sailing.
Dr. Cuddy: Treat your patient, don't treat your patient. Come to the meeting, don't come to the meeting. I'm done playing your game.
House: You realize the game is automatically over when the loser loses, right?
House: She's like this in bed, too. Always scheming to get the lawyers out of the room.
House: Down on the patient's romance because your own lifespan is shorter than dinner and a movie?
Thirteen: You're the one who said miserable stays miserable.
House: You keep saying it. Several times a day.
Thirteen: I love being back, having every theory you and I share used as proof of my own personal damage.
House: I'm happier without her. I'm not stupidly expecting her to make me happy. I'm happier with my unhappiness.
Dr. Wilson: Do you listen to what you're saying? Because I have to.
Thirteen: I think if she said yes after 14 hours, even he'd be suspicious.
Taub: You're lucky you're hot and smart, because... well, you're just lucky you're hot and smart.
Dr. Foreman: (in a yoga position, legs over head) I need a hooker.
House: Not if you can make that work.
Dr. Foreman: Chase has had his eyes on this one for months.
Taub: Meaning... he has eyes?
Dr. Foreman: I paid her $100. When he hits on her--might be tonight, might be next week--she's going to slap him and storm off.
Taub: So your plan is to prove you're both full of crap all in one move.
- Hugh Laurie as Gregory House
- Lisa Edelstein as Lisa Cuddy
- Omar Epps as Eric Foreman
- Robert Sean Leonard as James Wilson
- Jesse Spencer as Robert Chase
- Peter Jacobson as Chris Taub
- Olivia Wilde as Remy Hadley
- Donal Logue as Cyrus Harry
- David Costabile as Phil
- Megan Follows as Jennifer Williams
- Candice Bergen as Arlene Cuddy
- Dawn Frances as Nurse Colleen
- Sheena Zadeh as Nurse Laura
- David A. Kimball as Lawyer
- Adele Robbins as Janet
- Jody Booth as Doorway Jennifer
- Kaela Dobkin as Real Jennifer
- Roger V. Burton as Male Patient
- Jacob McCafferty as Ricky
- Bobbin Bergstrom as Nurse
Release Dates Edit
- United States - May 2, 2011 on Fox
- Canada - May 2, 2011 on Global
- United Kingdom - May 5, 2011 on Sky1
- Finland - May 24, 2011
- Australia - June 6, 2011 on Channel Ten
- Netherlands - September 29, 2011
- Hungary - October 12, 2011
- Germany - November 22, 2011 on RTL
- Poland - January 19, 2012 on TVP2
- Sweden - February 21, 2012 on TV4
- Czech Republic - February 27, 2012 on TV Nova
- Slovakia - August 2, 2012 on STV1
- Japan - May 7, 2013
- Finland - July 1, 2013 on MTV3
In Other Languages Edit
- French - La mécanique de l'espoir (Eng.: The Mechanic of Hope)
- German - Schneller als die Moral ( Eng.: Faster than the morality)
- Episode page at IMDB
- Episode page at House MD Guide
- Episode review at Blogcritics
- Episode review at Fanpop
- Episode transcript at Clinic Duty
- Episode page at Ace Showbiz
- A review of the medicine at Polite Dissent
- Episode guide at TV.com
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